I hate this.

Everything is there. You love me, you miss me, you miss everything about me, you get jealous, you want to date me. But you won’t get back together with me yet? Babe, please come back! It’s all there. We can progress by getting back together… We don’t have to be separated. You’re trying to “make sure it’s what you want”. But you’re over thinking it. If we feel the same about each other, there’s no need to make sure it’s what we want. We just go with it. I didn’t fall in love without until we had been dating for a month or two. Which means if we got back together we could fall back in love just like we did. We could put all of this shit behind us and make it a new relationship. It wouldn’t be that hard Devin if you just gave us a chance…. Im tired of begging because it just is hard for me and it’s annoying for you. But I miss you so much, you’re amazing. Still perfect to me. I still love you. I still want you. I know you want me too. Just take me back… ): I love you…

My date last night, with my ex boyfriend.

Hella awkward at first.
Got better at dinner, flirting.
Got lots better at bowling, lots of flirting.
Go to leatherbys, mellowed out.
Get dropped off, sit in his car, talk, I cry, we talk some more. He kisses me. We hold hands. He hugs me. We talk more.
“if you had a baby, and we were raising it together, i know I’d fall back in love with you.” “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
We suddenly have the most passionate kiss we’ve ever had… And I look at him and say, “what was that..” and he replies, “those were my deep feelings for you.” I say, “i love you.” and he says, “I love you.”
We kiss some more. I leave. I’m happy.
We are now dating without the title, for now.

My heart is shattered. And it’s pieces are in all of the places we have memories in.

Just once.

I’d like to have a good week together. No fighting, no getting mad at each other, just being happy.

I’d also like to go on one nice date and not fight. I’d like to go to dinner, something spontaneous or romantic afterwards, and then I’d like to get a nice treat afterwards. No getting my head bit off, just being nice and happy and in love.

I want to show people he’s mine. I want to kiss you in public, hold hands, put your arm around me, hold me from behind, kiss my cheek. Because lately it doesn’t feel like that at all.

And even last night, he told me he for wanted to marry me, then said but there’s always that chance it could change. Well cool.

I just feel so down right now. Honestly.

I want to be better.

For you.